‘It’s not fair is it? You did everything right.’and other stories. Part 3.

I remember not only things people said that upset or challenged me but also moments that made me feel seen and supported. 

‘Let me see what I can do’ were words uttered by a neonatal outreach nurse who had come to visit us at home. 

I can’t remember exactly how old Lucy was but I know that it was early, the piles of appointments had arrived after the piles of referrals went out as we left the neonatal unit. I was still offering breast milk and was still on the feed, sit up for 30 mins, put Lucy down, express, feed again no sooner than 2 (or was it 3?) hours cycle that characterised Lucy’s first few weeks. Oh and… Lucy was born by emergency section so I was also recovering from major abdominal surgery.

We’d had two appointments sent for the same time at different hospitals and others morning and afternoon at different hospital. 

It all just began with ‘How are you?’ . Now anyone who knows me or anyone in a similar situation knows there are two likely responses to this. One is ‘I’m fine!’ (usually inaccurate) or a deluge of truth telling. On this occasion it was the latter… I collapsed into floods of tears and presented the pile of appointments…

‘Let me see what I can do.’ She sat calling each department cancelling and rearranging to at least make sure we didn’t need to be in two places at once… at best rearrange into clinics at the same hospital. 

There were still a load of appointments and it was still difficult but just the fact that she took it off my plate for a moment… made the phone calls and made it a bit more manageable felt extraordinary. 

Since that day I’ve navigated many a schedule clash and more than once had a whole day spent at the hospital for one appointment in the morning and one in the afternoon. I do feel like I deserved the staff discount in the cafe! 

This support did not take her any extra time. It was an appointment we already had and in that moment that was the support we needed. She took on the role of administrator and advocate, the best way she could possibly support me in that moment and even now, more than 10 years later I can remember this appointment in a sea of many. I felt seen, supported and understood.